True love used to be something Malinda Manhorlall fantasized about. Until November 2004 when the man she was living with attempted to kill her in a brutal cutlass attack.

Lying on a hospital bed, maimed and exhausted from repeated surgeries, she considered life had been unfair to her as far as love goes. Her first relationship ended bitterly in a custody battle, and the second time around she came close to losing her life.

Manhorlall, recalling her harrowing experience, said she remembered more clearly than anything else, the sharp blade striking her in the face and head. She also remembered screaming so loudly her eardrums felt like they were exploding.

"I never holla so much in me life and he just keep chopping away at me. I would be dead today if I didn't play dead," she said, nodding her head and staring.

No exaggeration there; Manhorlall was chopped about 30 times and sustained wounds to her head, face, right arm and the back of her neck. Her skull was fractured; her right arm almost severed from the elbow; her right jawbone broken; all the teeth on the right side of mouth were knocked out and she was hospitalized for ten days.

That she survived is a miracle and Manhorlall is extremely grateful, but her once pretty face is scarred and she rarely smiles now.

Her right hand is useless. This was the hand, which she said carried her through life. These days her right hand can often be seen at her bosom, clutched by her left.

Emotional scars

Emotionally, Manhorlall is as scarred as the marks visible on her hands and face but her spirit is strong. She is optimistic about her future despite the fact that she cannot work given her condition but she struggles to be the mother she once was to her two young daughters.

Mere mention of her girls makes her teary because, "it is hard to do things for them when I cannot do for myself."

This is a dilemma, which confronts her everyday and causes restless nights. What is eating away at her too is her current fight to keep one of the girls, with the scale not really tipped in her favour.

But she believes more than anything that God has kept her alive to be part of her girls' lives. "It was his purpose and I am here to be their mother. All that happened to me and I am still here."

Things were good

Manhorlall recalled her girlish dreams of having a good hard-working partner, daughters and being a stay-at-home mother. But her first relationship was nothing like her mental picture. It has been a while now so she has been able to get over the hurt of seeing it fall apart.

Shafeek Harper, the man who eventually chopped her brutally, she said, was the friendliest person she had ever met. He was a friend of a friend's friend and she was not interested in a relationship but he was. After much persistence on his part, Manhorlall said, she agreed.

The first few months were great and they later moved in together. She said they worked together from home doing upholstery business as husband and wife.

Life was good then but after she got pregnant things changed. She said the good life they had just turned bad and things never got better. Reflecting on the first signs of trouble, she said she had raised a minor issue one day while Harper had friends over. He took serious offence that she had brought it up while his friends were there and inflicted a severe beating on her in their presence.

Before that, Manhorlall said, one day she could not find him and went in search of him. She later found him at a home in the village. Harper was so upset that she would even think of looking for him that he handed her a sound beating all the way home.

Manhorlall said she wanted to leave the home and go back to her mother's but was ashamed. After her first failed relationship, she wanted that one to work. "I just did not want a second relationship to go down the drain," she said.

The beatings became constant, as did stories of his infidelity and one day she decided to fight back. Manhorlall recalled heating some oil on the stove and waiting for him to come home. When he did, she threw the oil on him, burning him. She then left the home and made a report at the station. According to her, the police recalled previous occasions when she had gone to report the beatings he gave her so they just sent her away.

Following that, the beatings eased, but she found it hard to live in the home as his women were turning up and calling him on a regular basis. After her child was born, she fell ill and was on bed rest for a while. She said Harper left the home with the baby everyday while she was sick and assured her that the child was being cared for by an elder in the village. She was too weak to check his story.

When she recovered, she decided to meet the babysitter and went in search of her. She bumped into her reputed husband on the way and asked him to take her to her child. After hesitating, he led the way and to her surprise, he went to the home of a young woman in the area and emerged with the baby.

Enough

Manhorlall knew she had had enough when a young woman showed up at the home one day. Harper was inside with her but he went outside to greet his visitor. She said their conversation lasted in excess of an hour and there was nothing she could have said as much as it bothered her.

Harper had started beating her again and she was afraid to protest or ask him any questions. She recalled packing her bags and fleeing to her mother's home with her children one day while he was not there. But peace was short lived. The man followed her there and begged her to return home. She said he refused to take no for an answer and kept pleading with her. Her answer was no every time he asked.

On the day she was attacked, she had gone to pick up one of her girls who was with relatives but then she decided against taking the child home. She went back home and after securing the lock on the gate headed for the front door. Manhorlall said something just did not feel right and then she saw her reputed husband sitting in the yard staring at her.

She said he started walking towards her without uttering a word. All the while, she was thinking what to do, where to run, but she couldn't find a way out. The front gate was padlocked; the front door was locked; the fence was too high and he was getting closer. When he was near her, she said, Harper pulled a cutlass from his side.

Before she had a chance to say anything, he started chopping. Manhorlall recalled fighting with him and barring the chops but she eventually collapsed as he kept chopping, chopping and chopping. She was screaming and when her mother responded and the neighbours came out he ran away.

Long before Harper became a part of her life, Manhorlall said, she was a hardworking woman who loved life. She worked as a nurse and a pharmacist assistant, among other jobs. Now that she has two girls, Manhorlall said she would love to work again and take care of them but she is in no position to do so. She survives with a little assistance from relatives and the small monthly public assistance income.

A part of her resents him for taking away her ability to earn. Harper was recently sentenced to eight years in prison for injuring her after a High Court trial, but she feels it was a light sentence given all that had happened to her. If it were up to her, Manhorlall said, the punishment would have been harsher since he did more than disfigure her body; he disfigured her life.

Manhorlall no longer has dreams for herself, just for her girls. She said anyone who reads this story and wishes to help the girls could contact her